Here Come the Bridesmaids

Now is not the time to make any bridal-party decisions you may regret. If you are choosing between someone you knew in college and a new sibling-in-law, remember that a part of your new life as a spouse-to-be is to put family first—including his. Your friends may not be there forever, but your sister-in-law will be. So if you are pressured to choose a family member (even if you would rather not), bend. You will thank me later when she’s not giving you the look over the Thanksgiving dinner table, still upset that you did not give her the honor of wearing the lavender dress or ask her to fluff your train. That your first priority is your new family is something everyone will totally understand.

Once you’ve decided on your bridal party, ask each potential ’maid individually. Ask with kindness and respect. This will set the tone for the wedding planning to come, and serve as a preview to how the experience will play out for all of you. Clearly lay out the groundwork as you see it. A bridesmaid can’t just show up one day and be in the wedding! Have all your information in place, so there will be no uncomfortable moments as the months unfold. Are you, my bride, paying for the bridemaids’ attire? If not, what will your bridesmaids be expected to lay out for the fabulous dresses you have your eye on? What about hair and makeup services on the big day? If you’re thinking about a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, who in the party will be taking the lead in handling all the details and logistics—and what are the financial expectations?